All of my efforts in running, weight loss, paperwork, interviews, and prayers come down to today. You see today is the day the Navy Reserves selection board meets. Today they determine who gets in and who doesn’t. It’s pretty much a 99% promise that I won’t know today, but they will. Someone out there will know if I’m in or not.
I had been doing pretty good at not letting this whole thing consume me. I stayed very very busy during the holidays and even just after. The first week back to work was busy and last week grades were due, so there was a lot to keep me distracted there. It’s gone downhill quickly. Saturday I had 3-4 moments of just sheer anxiety. We had taken our youngest to the zoo, which he loved actually, and then did a little shopping. I was fine until we got home, and then it just felt like my heart was racing and I needed to go do something. So I got this project done:
It looks good right?! These are all of the running medals that my husband (top bar) and I (lower bar) have earned thus far. Not bad for running my very first race back in October! I will have one more to add to mine in a couple of weeks when I run a 5K with my daughter…sort of (more 0n that later). I think it turned out pretty well, and once again I have to thank Pinterest for the idea.
Sunday we went to church, and because I sang the week before, I had quite a few people coming up and talking to me about that song. The conversation kept me busy both right before and right after church, and then we did our grocery shopping and headed home. We watched, “The Intern”, which was a good movie and lead to an even better conversation after. Once my husband went to bed around 9:00 or so, I stayed up until about 11. I found a blog written by a Navy junior officer, and the next thing I knew, it was 11. And now…now I’m waiting.
I don’t do waiting very well. Or patience. Wait, isn’t that same thing? Yeah, it is. Got it. So, I pretty much suck at that. I forced myself to stay in bed until 9 this morning since I don’t have to work today. After I finish this post, I will be sweeping and mopping the entire house (we have virtually all tile). After that, I have no idea. It’s pretty cold today even with the sun shining, so we will see. What I do know is that my phone will either be in my pocket or in my hand and my ringer is turned up. That’s going to be the situation until I get the call. Regardless of how that call goes (I’m in, I’m on the waitlist, or I’m not in), I know my heart is going to be pounding when I see my recruiter’s number pop up on the screen.
This is the first time in a very long time that there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to affect the decision. Someone else is looking at a bunch of papers with my name on them and making decisions about me and about the next chapter of my life. I can’t call in a favor, know someone who knows someone, or be anything except who I am and wait. At the end of the day, I know that God is in control. He is going to make this whole thing turn out exactly as He wants it to. I know that His plan is much better than mine. And I know that I’m going to be going nuts inside until I find out the decision. My mantra until then, “God’s got this, cuz I sure don’t”.