One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Now isn’t that the way life is anyway?! After a great few days with wonderful communication and cuddles, yesterday turned to crappiness. My hubby went to a class on about 2-3 hours of sleep. He had to sit all day in a lecture hall and listen to a presentation from Homeland security about bombs, but he got to hang out with 3 other guys and go out for lunch. Well the class wasn’t what he thought it would be but whatever. They were supposed to get out at 5, and then were told they would be done at 3:30. They ended up not getting done until just before 4. Well all of that is well and good. Here’s where it gets dicey.

We have this thing where whenever I leave work, I text or call him. If I don’t, he always lets me know about it and questions what happened. Anyway, yesterday I got home and picked up my 2 youngest, went and got my daughter, stopped at the grocery store for formula, got home with my stepson, helped with homework and making flashcards for vocabulary words, gave my 2 kids to their dad, cleaned up my bathroom, put away some laundry and switched laundry over, and took care of the baby. I went to get dinner out thinking I had about an hour or so to get it all ready with the full intention of lighting some candles and being all romantic. I got out the crock pot and couldn’t find the cord so I went to ask my stepson if he knew (since he did dishes last). He didn’t know and asked me if I wanted him to ask his dad who he was on the phone with. I was stunned. My husband hadn’t texted me or called me since just after lunch, but he is on the phone with his son. Oh and this on the heels of his comment that marriage is just an agreement and kids come before spouses because that is a blood forever relationship. Nice huh?!

Anyway, I got the cord thing figured out (it was inside the crock pot…like a retractable cord thingy), and got it going. Well he then calls me. Of course my feelings are a bit hurt. I ask him where he is, and well lo and behold he is like 30 minutes from home. He has already traveled over an hour to get back to our area, dropped off the other guys he was riding with, and was on his way to  get gas, drop off the patrol car, pick up his car and get home. Now I’m pissed. He could have sent a quick “on my way home” text as they were wrapping up. He says they made a beeline for the car and he drove home. Oh well then he could have sent it just before he called his kid…nope. He could have made me first and called me first. He says he is only on the phone with his son for 30 seconds usually, so that’s why he called him first. Uh…ok but it was longer than that whatever. The bottom line is it hurt my feelings, and it made me feel like he was reiterating that I come second and always will.

To top it off when he got home, he ignored me, went to the garage to drop stuff off and then went to his son’s room. He didn’t even speak to me until after I served dinner and was sitting there eating. He wasn’t even going to sit by me until I made a comment. REALLY?! Ugh!!! So I don’t say anything more. Oh and on the phone, I didn’t say I was mad just that I had no idea he was almost home. He got mad and said he was going to hang up because I was acting all “oh I didn’t know…”, so I laid it out for him in blunt terms that my feelings were hurt. And then he hung up.

Well his son goes to bed, and he walks over and tells our infant good-night. I was like, “Oh you’re going to bed? I thought you wanted to give him a bath and then go to bed. Ok…well at least you’re telling me things through our son.” Well that made him mad. He did give our infant and bath though, and while he was doing it I calmly told him how it all made me feel. He flipped out and started yelling at me that I “always have a problem” and just make him a list of all of the things he needs to do. I told him he didn’t need to yell at me. I was just letting him know how I felt. Well then he says I always do this when he is tired, and he only got 2 hours of sleep, so I asked him when we could talk about it and he said tonight.

Yeah tonight…after we race home, go to a dinner theater thing an hour from home, drop off my kids back to their dad, put our infant to sleep…and then we can talk. I’m not anticipating good things. Even after our counseling session with our pastors at church, he just doesn’t get it. He immediately jumps to “I’ll just never take my phone with me anywhere that way I can’t communicate with anyone” or “Not everyone talks to their spouse all day every day (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean…we work opposite shifts so I only get to talk to him via text during the day or my lunch phone call)”. He still consistently uses “always” even though he knows a) it drives me crazy and b) he shouldn’t do it. He still yells and cusses at me as soon as I start to point out or talk about anything he doesn’t want to talk about. Oh and he still pulls the “I’m done with this conversation/talking to you/dealing with you” stuff. It absolutely drives me crazy.

I did manage to stay calm and not raise my voice. I pointed out how I felt. I used “I” statements and “my feelings”. I dropped it when he said we would talk about it tonight. I even got up off the couch and hugged him and tried to love on him afterward…with no response whatsoever from him until I went to move away from him and then he put his arm around me for a bit.

I just don’t know how else I could have handled that. Well except to swallow it and not tell him that what he did hurt my feelings. I’m pretty sure that is not the way to go, so until someone tells me otherwise, I will continue to communicate my feelings to my husband…even when he doesn’t like it.

*sigh* Today is a new day. A new day to remember to forgive and be merciful, to be kind and not judgemental, to love him even when he is acting unloveable. I found “A Stander’s Affirmation” and I posted it on my bathroom mirror. I’m making it a new tab/page on my blog. It is exactly how I feel and how I wish my husband felt. I just keep praying God will touch his heart and bring him close to Him. Please. Soon.

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